George is not going to Boca
By Stacey Mendelson – Divorce Coach
I have provided a lot of instruction and advice on avoiding mistakes in divorce. Today I want to abandon all wisdom and share a funny story about dating after divorce called: George is not coming to Boca.
My first post-marriage dating experience
My friends Michael and Paula invited me for a round of golf about a year into my separation. They invited a fourth named George. We had a lovely day on the course.
Later that evening George reached out. We started dating and he was lovely, except for one thing. George was hung up on his ex-girlfriend. This wasn’t an issue for me, because I was in no place for a permanent relationship. I was deep in a litigious battle and still picking the shrapnel out from my marriage.
One night we met Michael and Paula for dinner. They were delighted that they had brought us together and that we were having fun.
On the way to the restaurant, George was talking about whether or not he should send flowers to his ex for her birthday. Finally I told him to send her the f-ing flowers. I was getting a bit tired of the lamenting and in my head I vowed this would be our last date.
Michael and Paula greeted us at the table with a big smile. Mike leaned in and asked in his larger-than-life manner, Hey George… you coming to Boca this winter?
Paula and Michael hang out in Florida during the winter to enjoy the weather and golf. I go down every December to visit my folks. They assumed I would be bringing George.
I answered for George: George will not be coming to Boca. Our friend’s jaws dropped.
He’s hung up on his ex-girlfriend, I explained, with a smile. Michael looked in disbelief. George nodded sheepishly to admit it.
Owning my wants
At age 48 I was learning to put on my big girl panties and establish some boundaries. George and I were not a want match. I was ready to own this and move on.
This is one of my favourite stories because everyone at the table was shocked by my honesty. Dating after divorce taught me that I get to decide what I want and what feels right. Now whenever something is a hard no for me, I always answer: No…George is not coming to Boca.